우리 헤어지자

누가 내게 그러더라 우린 잘 어울린다고
우린 잘 만난거라고 그랬지
누가 내게 그러더라 우린 영원할거라고
그래 그때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

누가 내게 그러더라 추억은 아름답다고
그래 그 때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

정말 행복했던 시간 마냥 웃기만한 순간
모두 너에게 줄게
lie lie lie lie lie 눈물은 내가 가져갈게
떠나는 니가 웃을 수 있게
너만을 위해서 살아왔기에
그 누구보다 더 너를 알기에
이제는 보내야해 나를 떠나 행복해야해
나와의 사랑같은 건 모두 잊고
그렇게 살자.. 그렇게 살자..

-이승기-

que sera-sera

sometimes we need to
stop analyzing the past..

sometimes we need to
stop planning the future..

sometimes we need to
stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel..

sometimes we need to
stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel..

sometimes we just have to go with
'whatever happened happens'

this time

when u think that there shouldn't be any 2nd chance,,
but u still give that chance coz' u think ppl changes..

when u think ppl will change n' grown up by time,,
but seems like 'time' didn't teach anything to them..

when u think u already give ur best..
but maybe they're too self-centered to realize it..

when u think u want to stop trying..
and u're fine with it..
that's when u should start to leave it all behind..
n' moving forward..

it's not like u'll forget all about it..
but much more like u take it as a lesson..

so,,this time..
it's a 'lesson learned and get along with it' ^^

-lesson in life-

bbrapa hari ada d ICU,,ad bbrp kjadian (plajaran) yang bisa g dapet d sana..

d hari ptama bokap masuk icu,,awalnya g gak tau klo dy masuk icu krn g pikir cuma masuk kamar biasa ajah..makanya pas sore2 maw balik sana kaget banget bgitu tau bokap masuk icu..banyak pikiran 'buruk' d otak g dh gara2 si icu ini..apalagi bgitu sampe sana si suster gak ngijinin masuk,,cuma bisa liat dr kaca samping (untung kamar bokap d icu it yg paling ujung jadi bisa kliatan dr samping)..truz karna g ud dtg,,si nyokap bisa plg ngurusin macem2 dl..dan saat it g mac blm tlalu jelas sm penyakit si bokap kcuali pnyakitnya it tuh tmasuk pnyakit kronis..mac gak tauw,,knapa bisa sampe masuk d icu,,dll..

truz,,bhubung ini juga ptama kalinya g berhubungan dgn icu..jadi,,sama skali gak tauw gmana cara kerja mrk d sana..d tengah2 lg panik,,bingung,,mst gmana..tiba2 telp d luar icu bunyi nyari kluarga bokap g..pas g angkat,,si susternya nyuruh g cepetan masuk k dalam..g tanya ada apa,,dy blg gpp,,masuk ajah karna dy pengen ngmg..sls tutup telp n' slama jalan k dlm..bner2 deg2an banget,,bner2 takut banget bokap knapa2,,mana nyokap jg lagi gak ada..tp,,thx God bokap gak knapa2..

yang jadi perhatian g it adalah,,pas g kluar icu,,kyana ad 1 org tante2 yg baru masuk juga..cm g gak tauw orgnya yang mana..karna t4 bokap d rawat it gak gabung sm org2 laen..yg g perhatiin it adalah kluarga si tante ini yang kyana walaupun kluarganya masuk icu tp mrk mac tenang2 ajah,,santai2 ajah,,ktawa2..beda banget sm g yg ud bingung banget,,panik,,nangis..jadi g mikir,,'oh,,mgkn kluarga mrk gak separah bokap x y?? mknya bisa santai banget'..truz,,bsk sorenya pas g lagi jaga,,ad yang meninggal n' tnyata yang meninggal it adalah si tante yang baru masuk it..nyokap ngobrol ma kluarganya gt,,n' mrk jg tuh gak nyangka karna si tante it kmrnan sblm meninggal it masih bisa ktawa2 bcanda2 gt..eh,,koq yah malah meninggal gt..

truz ada lagi kakek2 yang masuk k icu yg sm kya bokap,,tp beda kamar..dy baru masuk stelah bokap d rawat bbrp hari gt..truz pas g pulang,,g sempet senyum sm dy n' he seems fine..truz bsk siang pas g balik lg k t4 bokap,,g ngliat si bokap cm sendirian d ruangannya..truz g nanya ma si nyokap,,mana si kakek2 yg baru masuk smalem..nyokap blg klo dy jam 3 pagi meninggal..

truz ada lagi om2 yang ud sbulanan d rawat d icu..smp akhirnya 1 malem sluruh kluarganya kumpul gt,,n' nyokap blg klo tnyata dokternya blg klo si om it lg kritis truz kluarganya d suruh dtg smua..takutnya klo bakal knapa2 gt..tp,,nyatanya smp akhir it om2 mac idup *walaupun kondisinya yahhh gitu dh*..kluarganya it yg bner2 ud stress,,cape,,krn ngrasa kyana bner2 gak jelas banget..

gilaa,,g jadi mikir..qta it bner2 gak tauw apa yang tjadi bsk..orang yang kliatannya baik2 ajah hari ini,,bs ajah besok ud meninggal..org yg d perkirakan ud ampir meninggal,,tnyata bisa bertahan walaupun butuh byk bantuan..dan smua itu ad plus minusnya..tp 1 yg pasti,,g jadi ngrasa klo qta it harus bner2 ngehargain apa yang qta punya hari ini,,bersyukur ajah buat hari2 qta stiap hari..

tell everyone u love dat u love him/her before it's too late..because u'll never know when the time comes..

if it's started beautifully then it should be ended beautifully too ^^

so,,the story started when we went to Inner Mongolia for a holiday..dunno where or when it started..all i know is it's all started from the very 1st day of the trip..ah,,i remember,,it all started when we go to the the rest area and i said that my feet feels so cold..and when we're back on the bus,,u asked me whether my feet still feeling cold or not and u started to make my feet feel warm by rubbing your hands to my feet n' when u realize that my hands is cold too,,u started to rub my hands too..that's so sweet of you..when i tell my friends about that,,they all agree with me that u're so sweet..too sweet..a lot of thing happens in that journey..and i'm really thankful of that things..

and a couples of day after we're back from holiday,,after spending so much time together,,you asked me to be your girlfriend..still remember that it happens on the night of 13th October and i already on the bed,,ready to sleep..and you didn't want to go home until i answered ur question..it's already past midnite..still remember ur expression on that day when i said i want to be ur girlfriend..and when u tell my best friend that i want to be ur girlfriend although she's already half-way to the dream land before u go home..

i know that it's not easy for us on our first step of relationship..a lot of hard times,,a lot of problems,,and i know how hard it is for u to understand me..it's so frustrating for me seeing u have to work so hard to understand me..but on the other side,,i also cannot do anything to help u >.< i really felt sorry i can't give u happiness in our first baby step because there's a big problem *from my side* i should solve first..but,,the problem is not as easy as i think..and,,it's hard for me to divide my attention between u n' my problem..because of that problem,,everyday *i think* i make u upset..u always said that u want to help me with the problems,,but at first i don't want to tell u my problem is..i want to keep my problem alone..think i can endure it,,but it's just getting to hard and affected our relationship too..slowly i learn to tell u about my problem,,i learn to trust in u with all of my problem..

the 1st time i realize that u really meant to me,,and i really love u is the first time u're in Indo and i don't know how to reach u..i don't have ur Indo number,,u don't have internet connection in ur home..don't know what to do..it's like i miss u,,but i can't find where are u..it's like there's something missing in my life that time..that's the 1st time i feel really insecure with u..do u know dat everyday i'm waiting for u..everyday i'm excited just to meet u in the msn or in skype ^^ to hear ur voice either before i go to sleep or when i wake up really made my day that time..

i'm so excited,,although i hardly shown my excitement in front of u,,with everything that related to u..remember when u tell me ur wishes on the day of ur bday?? actually i'm very happy,,my heart is jumping of excitement and i can stop smilling that night..but i guess u don't know that rite?? when i have to pick u up at the airport,,it's like i wake up every hour only to see how many hour left till i can see u again..when i see u for the 1st time there,,i really want to run n' jump to hug u..but i can't do that..i can't do anything cos i'm too excited only to see u again..even i don't know what to say to you..i remember i don't say anything special to u,,i only say "sorry, i'm late" to u and ur friend..actually i want to say something special like "welcome back hunny..how's the fligt?" instead of that sorry thing but dunno why i can't said those words >.<

there's one time i'm thinking about growing old with u..it's the day when we're talking in my room in the afternoon..talking about everything,,about ur problem n' mine..i just feel really blessed that time and i want to grow old like that with u everyday..if i can stop the memory,,maybe i want to live in that time forever..cos' that time with u really make me feels like i'm home..hmm,,dunno how to explain my feeling that time..but it really is one of the best feeling i ever had in my life ^o^

and when our story has come to the end..it's so hard for me..really hard..in just a short time,,i have to forget those happy moments,,i have to forget u..so,,that's why at the beginning of our break-ups u feel like i'm avoiding u..but,,it's not just the beginning,,until now sometimes i'm avoiding u too ^^ because seeing u again is like bringing up those feeling again n' again..and do u know?? there's 1 movie called 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', the tag line said "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story." that's what i feel right now..am trying so hard to erase u from my mind,,but it seems like my heart is not ready to erase u >.<

whatever happen now between both of us..all i know is we start our story beautifully,,so we should ended it beautifully too..we start our story as a best friend..so,,can we still remain as a best friend?? where we can share our problems n' stories ^^

thanx for giving me the amazing 5 months of happiness, sadness, good times, bad times, n' all the feelings i feel during that 5 months :)

-just hope that whatever happen,,both of us never change n' will be the same as it is-

so long. . .

so,,right now i'm in my room..in Jakarta..
i think i have a some kind of love-hate relationship with Jakarta ^^
i rilli wanna go out of Jakarta,,but at the same time i rilli wanna go back to it..
is it what they called love??
hmm,,maybe..don't know about it yet..

it's been 2 weeks i'm in Jakarta..
and the 1st thing i wanna do is visit my sis's grave..
so,,that's what i do the first morning after arrived here..goin there juz bring back my memories from the day when we want to buried my lil sis..don't know why..all i know is i really miss her..really really miss her..i miss chatting with her..i miss sleeping together with her..even i miss coming to her graveyard..at her place,,feels like she's with me ^^

juz think about it for a sec ^__^

whatever man gives to a woman,,
she's going to multiply it..

if u give her sperm,,
she'll give u a baby..

if u give her a house,,
she'll give u a home..

if u give her a groceries,,
she'll give u a meal..

if u give her a smile,,
she'll give u her heart..

she multiplies and enlarges,,
what is given to her..

so,,if u give her any crap,,
you will receive a ton of shit..

hey!!

hey you!!
yes you!!

you know what??
i think this day,,
u teach me how to be independent indirectly..
not like i'm not independent before..
but it's more like,,
mmh,,hard to say ^^ haha..
but,,maybe i should give thanx to you..

so,,
thank you ☺

dream a lil' dream

last night,,
i dream of her..
she smiles at me..
and she waves at me happily..

recently,,i'm a bit tired..
with all things dat happen around me..
is it her own way to give me support??
mmh,,maybe ^^ dunno about it..

but,,after a long time not see her..
i'm glad i can dream of her again..
seeing her face with a lively expression is priceless..
cos' the last time i remember is her sleeping face in the coffin..

thx u for giving me support in ur own way..
it makes me forget all of my problems..
n' please always visit me in my dream like last night..
i miss u dear ♥

....

knapa harus ada kata2 yang gampang buat d ucapin..
tapi susah buat d lakuin??
klo tauw it susah buat d lakuin..
mending dari awal gak usah d ucapin n' make a commitment..

it's true isn't it??

i ♥ u

i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can do anything to make u happy..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i wanna do something better to please u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna care about ppl opinions..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like ur problem is my problem too..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna tell u my probs,,just because i don't want u to stressed out because of ur probs n' mine..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'll be worried if i don't know anything that happen to u right now..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like my mind is not working if i'm with u,,my heart does..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't know any other words to describe my feelings to u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm sad if u do sumthing i don't like and i do sumthing bad to u bcos of it..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm afraid if i have to let u go one day..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can let u go if everytime ur with me i cannot make u happy,,and the only way to make u happy is to separate with me..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can pray for ur happiness even after all that things happened..

i ♥ u,,that much..
~till i don't know what's left to write~
n' how bout u??

-undescribable feeling-

seems like everything is fine a couple of days ago..
and in just a moment,,it's undescribable..
i know that it's all my fault at the first place..
and maybe i'm receiving my karma for all i've done to u..
cos,,really it looks like we're changing places now..
actually i know what i've done to u is not right since a long time ago..
and that's one reason why i wanna change..
but,,maybe that's not enough..
or maybe,,i already hurt u so much..
that makes u feel tired right now..

it's just a couple of days,,
not really a week,,
but,,i feel like i wanna quit this 'game of ♥'..
it's not that i don't ♥ u..
i ♥ u since the very first time u do sumthing to me that makes me feels like there's butterfly in my stomach..
there's a lot of little things that makes me ♥ u more..
it's just i keep it like a secret..
so,,u probably don't know about it..
it's just i easily lost my hope in everything i do,,
if i think,,i won't get what i want..
maybe u'r not agree with me,,my mommy also didn't agree with me..
but,,that's me..
'i don't wanna fight for sumthing i won't get'

since right now i'm standing in ur position,,
and ur standing in my position..
i know how hard it's for u at that time..
and i'm proud u can 'fight' for it for a long time..
it really shows how's ur feeling to me..
and i'm really thankful and flattered..
that in my life,,there's once a man that love me like u do..

actually i do really hope that everything gonna be fine..
and we're still together after all of this..
but,,just in case,,we're not..
i'm truly sorry for all i've done..
sorry for not 'fighting' hard like u used to do..
but,,i love u *maybe* as much as u love me at the first time..
thank you for everything u taught me..

M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E

hmm,,
dunno why i feel so miserable this day..
it's like my life never been so full like before..
it's seems like i can't have both of u at the same time..
if i have u then i don't have them..
if i have them then i don't have u..
why can't be together..

dunno if i do the right thing with telling u all my feeling yesterday..
at that moment,,i think i'm doing the right thing..
but,,as for now,,think dat maybe it's not the right thing to tell u my feeling..
cos' it's seems like u r playing with my feeling now..
to tell the truth..i don't like it at all..
before,,u said that i do the same thing to u..
so,,is it ur way to take a revenge on me??

it's not that i don't support what u r doing right now..
u should know that from the very first start i always support u in everything u do..
maybe i'm not saying it clearly,,but i thought u should already know..
this is some experience i want u to have..
but,,it's just there's some feeling inside that said something is not right..
don't u feel the same??
or is it just me,,the one who exaggerate things??

up till now,,
i think i still can cope with it..
maybe there will be sometime when u'll feel tired of playing around..
and maybe at that time u'll come back n' think of me n' look for me..
but,,1 thing for sure..
don't make me tired of waiting for so long..
cos i'm afraid if it takes so long,,
when u look for me,,
all u can find is my shadow,,
not the real me..

so,,actually i don't really know what to do now..
afraid that if i tell u what i feel now,,
u'll think that i don't give u any freedom..
n' u'll run away..
afraid that if i said bye for now,,
u'll think that it's me,,the one who wants to leave u..
n' u'll angry with me..
afraid that if i tell u to have fun,,
u'll play all day n' forget about me..
n' i'll be the one who will leave u cos i'm tired of waiting for u..

hmpf,,
i really dunno what to do now..
can u tell me what should i do now??
>.<

roomateQuw kembali ^^

haha..stelah ampir sbulan dy pulang indo..akhirnya balik beijing juga ^^ gak tidur sendiri lagi dh d kamar..hehe..

pagi2 sm anak2 jemput si dla d bandara..mac ngantuk2 >.< tapi,,berhubung dy soulmateQuw jadi harus d jemput..klo tidak,,kacian skali dy..hihi ^^

kopernya gendut buanget..haha..isinya titipan anak2 smua..truz bawa makanan juga..hehe..buanyak makanan dh d sini jdnya..

sore2 abis slese beberes,,crita2..haha..seru banget..ud lama gak crita2..kangen ^^

P.S: just wanna say to everyone 'it's nice to have u back here with me ♥'

♥♥♥♥

happy valentine
happy 4 months anniversary

hey,,it's been 4 months already..still can believe it..haha..
maybe for some ppl,,4 months is too short..but for me,,with all the things dat hapen in this 4 months,,4 months is so long..so,,yeah,,me a lil surprised too..haha..
hmm,,maybe not long enough to say long..but it's long enough to say it's not short..haha *dunno if ppl understand what i mean*

he's not here by the time valentine comes >.<
so,,we don't 'celebrate' our 1st valentine day..
but,,tomorrow he'll be going back to beijing,,with a lot of my things my mom-give-to-my-besties-to-be-given-to-him-so-he-can-give-it-to-me ♫lalala♫ a long way for the things to reach me huh??

a lil' note for him:
sorry if i always make u sad,,angry,,upset,,n' not happy all the time >.<
sumtimes i don't do it on purpose,,though sumtimes i do it on purpose too..haha..
only to see ur *hmm,,how to describe it yah??* face with all of the above expression..
but,,i'm doin it just for fun *oups,,dun be angry hunny ^^*
so,,don't take it seriously..haha..cos i dunno what to do if u take it seriously >.<
there r a lot of times i'm thinking to end this relationship,,and we do for 1 time end it,,but till now i'm thankful dat we're together again n' i'm having u by my side ^^
thank you for everything u do to me..
luv u ^^

新年在北京。。

恭喜发财。。
祝你新年快了。。
身体健康。。
万事如意。。

not going home for this event T.T
so,,me n' my 2 gals made our own way to celebrate this event..haha..

here in China,,ppl said 'on chun jie,,u have to eat jiao zi'..and coz' we still have a lot of flour to make jiao zi dough..so we decided to make jiao zi by our selves..on our way back from shanghai,,jel n' tin watch some *air news* (dunno what the name is,,haha,,it's the news that being broadcast in the plane) and it's said that if u make jiao zi u should add a lil coins inside (1 fen coins) to bring luck for the ppl who found dat coins in their jiao zi..so,,we also try adding the coins..haha..n' bcoz we all want to be lucky,,so we put 3 coins there for each of us ☺

we made the jiao zi from the day before the festive..but it's too much,,we're hungry and there's none to satisfy our hunger..so we decided to eat some of the jiao zi..haha..luckily we still had enough jiao zi for the real festive ^__^

all day long i can hear the sound of fireworks..from morning till evening till midnight..and bcoz all of us curious to see how's chinese ppl celebrate their new years,,we go out to see..there's a lot of ppl playing fireworks on the road..non stop..pretty fireworks,,colorful fireworks,,noisy fireworks,,small fireworks,,big fireworks,,u named it n' they have it..angel, who-claim-herself-as-a-fireworks-expert, help us to see which fireworks should we see just by hearing the sound..haha..coz' rilli a lot of ppl play n' we dunno where to see..it's like u stand on 1 point n' u can see ppl playing fireworks in all kind of directions..

at 11.45 p.m onwards the fireworks is getting bigger n' bigger..it's in the middle of the night,,but the sky is so bright bcos of the light of a lot of fireworks..also,,u can't see clearly..there's a lot of smoke from the fireworks n 'petasan' *i-dunno-what-their-english-named* haha..but it's the red thing chinese ppl used to celebrate the happy things..and if i'm not mistaken it's used to send away bad luck & the other which is not good..haha..it's a lil weird but my laoshi, a chinese ppl, said that she loves the smell of firewors & 'petasan'..

i'm back..

think dat i already abandoned this blog for so long >.<
seems like i already forgot what i used to love..
and just now i missed to write on this blog..
mmh,,actually not really just now,,haha,,
i already missed it for like a couple of weeks..
but i'm just to lazy to open the web n' start writing..haha ^o^
hope dat i still hv that passion from before to be able to write..
n' hope i'm not too lazy to write,,haha..
cos' i have a lot of thing in my minds..
n' now they're waiting *not-so-patiently* to be edited..
so,,hopefully i can fulfill 'their' wish..hehe..