우리 헤어지자

누가 내게 그러더라 우린 잘 어울린다고
우린 잘 만난거라고 그랬지
누가 내게 그러더라 우린 영원할거라고
그래 그때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

누가 내게 그러더라 추억은 아름답다고
그래 그 때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

정말 행복했던 시간 마냥 웃기만한 순간
모두 너에게 줄게
lie lie lie lie lie 눈물은 내가 가져갈게
떠나는 니가 웃을 수 있게
너만을 위해서 살아왔기에
그 누구보다 더 너를 알기에
이제는 보내야해 나를 떠나 행복해야해
나와의 사랑같은 건 모두 잊고
그렇게 살자.. 그렇게 살자..

-이승기-

que sera-sera

sometimes we need to
stop analyzing the past..

sometimes we need to
stop planning the future..

sometimes we need to
stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel..

sometimes we need to
stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel..

sometimes we just have to go with
'whatever happened happens'

this time

when u think that there shouldn't be any 2nd chance,,
but u still give that chance coz' u think ppl changes..

when u think ppl will change n' grown up by time,,
but seems like 'time' didn't teach anything to them..

when u think u already give ur best..
but maybe they're too self-centered to realize it..

when u think u want to stop trying..
and u're fine with it..
that's when u should start to leave it all behind..
n' moving forward..

it's not like u'll forget all about it..
but much more like u take it as a lesson..

so,,this time..
it's a 'lesson learned and get along with it' ^^

-lesson in life-

bbrapa hari ada d ICU,,ad bbrp kjadian (plajaran) yang bisa g dapet d sana..

d hari ptama bokap masuk icu,,awalnya g gak tau klo dy masuk icu krn g pikir cuma masuk kamar biasa ajah..makanya pas sore2 maw balik sana kaget banget bgitu tau bokap masuk icu..banyak pikiran 'buruk' d otak g dh gara2 si icu ini..apalagi bgitu sampe sana si suster gak ngijinin masuk,,cuma bisa liat dr kaca samping (untung kamar bokap d icu it yg paling ujung jadi bisa kliatan dr samping)..truz karna g ud dtg,,si nyokap bisa plg ngurusin macem2 dl..dan saat it g mac blm tlalu jelas sm penyakit si bokap kcuali pnyakitnya it tuh tmasuk pnyakit kronis..mac gak tauw,,knapa bisa sampe masuk d icu,,dll..

truz,,bhubung ini juga ptama kalinya g berhubungan dgn icu..jadi,,sama skali gak tauw gmana cara kerja mrk d sana..d tengah2 lg panik,,bingung,,mst gmana..tiba2 telp d luar icu bunyi nyari kluarga bokap g..pas g angkat,,si susternya nyuruh g cepetan masuk k dalam..g tanya ada apa,,dy blg gpp,,masuk ajah karna dy pengen ngmg..sls tutup telp n' slama jalan k dlm..bner2 deg2an banget,,bner2 takut banget bokap knapa2,,mana nyokap jg lagi gak ada..tp,,thx God bokap gak knapa2..

yang jadi perhatian g it adalah,,pas g kluar icu,,kyana ad 1 org tante2 yg baru masuk juga..cm g gak tauw orgnya yang mana..karna t4 bokap d rawat it gak gabung sm org2 laen..yg g perhatiin it adalah kluarga si tante ini yang kyana walaupun kluarganya masuk icu tp mrk mac tenang2 ajah,,santai2 ajah,,ktawa2..beda banget sm g yg ud bingung banget,,panik,,nangis..jadi g mikir,,'oh,,mgkn kluarga mrk gak separah bokap x y?? mknya bisa santai banget'..truz,,bsk sorenya pas g lagi jaga,,ad yang meninggal n' tnyata yang meninggal it adalah si tante yang baru masuk it..nyokap ngobrol ma kluarganya gt,,n' mrk jg tuh gak nyangka karna si tante it kmrnan sblm meninggal it masih bisa ktawa2 bcanda2 gt..eh,,koq yah malah meninggal gt..

truz ada lagi kakek2 yang masuk k icu yg sm kya bokap,,tp beda kamar..dy baru masuk stelah bokap d rawat bbrp hari gt..truz pas g pulang,,g sempet senyum sm dy n' he seems fine..truz bsk siang pas g balik lg k t4 bokap,,g ngliat si bokap cm sendirian d ruangannya..truz g nanya ma si nyokap,,mana si kakek2 yg baru masuk smalem..nyokap blg klo dy jam 3 pagi meninggal..

truz ada lagi om2 yang ud sbulanan d rawat d icu..smp akhirnya 1 malem sluruh kluarganya kumpul gt,,n' nyokap blg klo tnyata dokternya blg klo si om it lg kritis truz kluarganya d suruh dtg smua..takutnya klo bakal knapa2 gt..tp,,nyatanya smp akhir it om2 mac idup *walaupun kondisinya yahhh gitu dh*..kluarganya it yg bner2 ud stress,,cape,,krn ngrasa kyana bner2 gak jelas banget..

gilaa,,g jadi mikir..qta it bner2 gak tauw apa yang tjadi bsk..orang yang kliatannya baik2 ajah hari ini,,bs ajah besok ud meninggal..org yg d perkirakan ud ampir meninggal,,tnyata bisa bertahan walaupun butuh byk bantuan..dan smua itu ad plus minusnya..tp 1 yg pasti,,g jadi ngrasa klo qta it harus bner2 ngehargain apa yang qta punya hari ini,,bersyukur ajah buat hari2 qta stiap hari..

tell everyone u love dat u love him/her before it's too late..because u'll never know when the time comes..

if it's started beautifully then it should be ended beautifully too ^^

so,,the story started when we went to Inner Mongolia for a holiday..dunno where or when it started..all i know is it's all started from the very 1st day of the trip..ah,,i remember,,it all started when we go to the the rest area and i said that my feet feels so cold..and when we're back on the bus,,u asked me whether my feet still feeling cold or not and u started to make my feet feel warm by rubbing your hands to my feet n' when u realize that my hands is cold too,,u started to rub my hands too..that's so sweet of you..when i tell my friends about that,,they all agree with me that u're so sweet..too sweet..a lot of thing happens in that journey..and i'm really thankful of that things..

and a couples of day after we're back from holiday,,after spending so much time together,,you asked me to be your girlfriend..still remember that it happens on the night of 13th October and i already on the bed,,ready to sleep..and you didn't want to go home until i answered ur question..it's already past midnite..still remember ur expression on that day when i said i want to be ur girlfriend..and when u tell my best friend that i want to be ur girlfriend although she's already half-way to the dream land before u go home..

i know that it's not easy for us on our first step of relationship..a lot of hard times,,a lot of problems,,and i know how hard it is for u to understand me..it's so frustrating for me seeing u have to work so hard to understand me..but on the other side,,i also cannot do anything to help u >.< i really felt sorry i can't give u happiness in our first baby step because there's a big problem *from my side* i should solve first..but,,the problem is not as easy as i think..and,,it's hard for me to divide my attention between u n' my problem..because of that problem,,everyday *i think* i make u upset..u always said that u want to help me with the problems,,but at first i don't want to tell u my problem is..i want to keep my problem alone..think i can endure it,,but it's just getting to hard and affected our relationship too..slowly i learn to tell u about my problem,,i learn to trust in u with all of my problem..

the 1st time i realize that u really meant to me,,and i really love u is the first time u're in Indo and i don't know how to reach u..i don't have ur Indo number,,u don't have internet connection in ur home..don't know what to do..it's like i miss u,,but i can't find where are u..it's like there's something missing in my life that time..that's the 1st time i feel really insecure with u..do u know dat everyday i'm waiting for u..everyday i'm excited just to meet u in the msn or in skype ^^ to hear ur voice either before i go to sleep or when i wake up really made my day that time..

i'm so excited,,although i hardly shown my excitement in front of u,,with everything that related to u..remember when u tell me ur wishes on the day of ur bday?? actually i'm very happy,,my heart is jumping of excitement and i can stop smilling that night..but i guess u don't know that rite?? when i have to pick u up at the airport,,it's like i wake up every hour only to see how many hour left till i can see u again..when i see u for the 1st time there,,i really want to run n' jump to hug u..but i can't do that..i can't do anything cos i'm too excited only to see u again..even i don't know what to say to you..i remember i don't say anything special to u,,i only say "sorry, i'm late" to u and ur friend..actually i want to say something special like "welcome back hunny..how's the fligt?" instead of that sorry thing but dunno why i can't said those words >.<

there's one time i'm thinking about growing old with u..it's the day when we're talking in my room in the afternoon..talking about everything,,about ur problem n' mine..i just feel really blessed that time and i want to grow old like that with u everyday..if i can stop the memory,,maybe i want to live in that time forever..cos' that time with u really make me feels like i'm home..hmm,,dunno how to explain my feeling that time..but it really is one of the best feeling i ever had in my life ^o^

and when our story has come to the end..it's so hard for me..really hard..in just a short time,,i have to forget those happy moments,,i have to forget u..so,,that's why at the beginning of our break-ups u feel like i'm avoiding u..but,,it's not just the beginning,,until now sometimes i'm avoiding u too ^^ because seeing u again is like bringing up those feeling again n' again..and do u know?? there's 1 movie called 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', the tag line said "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story." that's what i feel right now..am trying so hard to erase u from my mind,,but it seems like my heart is not ready to erase u >.<

whatever happen now between both of us..all i know is we start our story beautifully,,so we should ended it beautifully too..we start our story as a best friend..so,,can we still remain as a best friend?? where we can share our problems n' stories ^^

thanx for giving me the amazing 5 months of happiness, sadness, good times, bad times, n' all the feelings i feel during that 5 months :)

-just hope that whatever happen,,both of us never change n' will be the same as it is-

so long. . .

so,,right now i'm in my room..in Jakarta..
i think i have a some kind of love-hate relationship with Jakarta ^^
i rilli wanna go out of Jakarta,,but at the same time i rilli wanna go back to it..
is it what they called love??
hmm,,maybe..don't know about it yet..

it's been 2 weeks i'm in Jakarta..
and the 1st thing i wanna do is visit my sis's grave..
so,,that's what i do the first morning after arrived here..goin there juz bring back my memories from the day when we want to buried my lil sis..don't know why..all i know is i really miss her..really really miss her..i miss chatting with her..i miss sleeping together with her..even i miss coming to her graveyard..at her place,,feels like she's with me ^^

juz think about it for a sec ^__^

whatever man gives to a woman,,
she's going to multiply it..

if u give her sperm,,
she'll give u a baby..

if u give her a house,,
she'll give u a home..

if u give her a groceries,,
she'll give u a meal..

if u give her a smile,,
she'll give u her heart..

she multiplies and enlarges,,
what is given to her..

so,,if u give her any crap,,
you will receive a ton of shit..