so long. . .

so,,right now i'm in my room..in Jakarta..
i think i have a some kind of love-hate relationship with Jakarta ^^
i rilli wanna go out of Jakarta,,but at the same time i rilli wanna go back to it..
is it what they called love??
hmm,,maybe..don't know about it yet..

it's been 2 weeks i'm in Jakarta..
and the 1st thing i wanna do is visit my sis's grave..
so,,that's what i do the first morning after arrived here..goin there juz bring back my memories from the day when we want to buried my lil sis..don't know why..all i know is i really miss her..really really miss her..i miss chatting with her..i miss sleeping together with her..even i miss coming to her graveyard..at her place,,feels like she's with me ^^

juz think about it for a sec ^__^

whatever man gives to a woman,,
she's going to multiply it..

if u give her sperm,,
she'll give u a baby..

if u give her a house,,
she'll give u a home..

if u give her a groceries,,
she'll give u a meal..

if u give her a smile,,
she'll give u her heart..

she multiplies and enlarges,,
what is given to her..

so,,if u give her any crap,,
you will receive a ton of shit..

hey!!

hey you!!
yes you!!

you know what??
i think this day,,
u teach me how to be independent indirectly..
not like i'm not independent before..
but it's more like,,
mmh,,hard to say ^^ haha..
but,,maybe i should give thanx to you..

so,,
thank you ☺

dream a lil' dream

last night,,
i dream of her..
she smiles at me..
and she waves at me happily..

recently,,i'm a bit tired..
with all things dat happen around me..
is it her own way to give me support??
mmh,,maybe ^^ dunno about it..

but,,after a long time not see her..
i'm glad i can dream of her again..
seeing her face with a lively expression is priceless..
cos' the last time i remember is her sleeping face in the coffin..

thx u for giving me support in ur own way..
it makes me forget all of my problems..
n' please always visit me in my dream like last night..
i miss u dear ♥

....

knapa harus ada kata2 yang gampang buat d ucapin..
tapi susah buat d lakuin??
klo tauw it susah buat d lakuin..
mending dari awal gak usah d ucapin n' make a commitment..

it's true isn't it??

i ♥ u

i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can do anything to make u happy..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i wanna do something better to please u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna care about ppl opinions..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like ur problem is my problem too..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna tell u my probs,,just because i don't want u to stressed out because of ur probs n' mine..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'll be worried if i don't know anything that happen to u right now..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like my mind is not working if i'm with u,,my heart does..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't know any other words to describe my feelings to u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm sad if u do sumthing i don't like and i do sumthing bad to u bcos of it..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm afraid if i have to let u go one day..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can let u go if everytime ur with me i cannot make u happy,,and the only way to make u happy is to separate with me..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can pray for ur happiness even after all that things happened..

i ♥ u,,that much..
~till i don't know what's left to write~
n' how bout u??

-undescribable feeling-

seems like everything is fine a couple of days ago..
and in just a moment,,it's undescribable..
i know that it's all my fault at the first place..
and maybe i'm receiving my karma for all i've done to u..
cos,,really it looks like we're changing places now..
actually i know what i've done to u is not right since a long time ago..
and that's one reason why i wanna change..
but,,maybe that's not enough..
or maybe,,i already hurt u so much..
that makes u feel tired right now..

it's just a couple of days,,
not really a week,,
but,,i feel like i wanna quit this 'game of ♥'..
it's not that i don't ♥ u..
i ♥ u since the very first time u do sumthing to me that makes me feels like there's butterfly in my stomach..
there's a lot of little things that makes me ♥ u more..
it's just i keep it like a secret..
so,,u probably don't know about it..
it's just i easily lost my hope in everything i do,,
if i think,,i won't get what i want..
maybe u'r not agree with me,,my mommy also didn't agree with me..
but,,that's me..
'i don't wanna fight for sumthing i won't get'

since right now i'm standing in ur position,,
and ur standing in my position..
i know how hard it's for u at that time..
and i'm proud u can 'fight' for it for a long time..
it really shows how's ur feeling to me..
and i'm really thankful and flattered..
that in my life,,there's once a man that love me like u do..

actually i do really hope that everything gonna be fine..
and we're still together after all of this..
but,,just in case,,we're not..
i'm truly sorry for all i've done..
sorry for not 'fighting' hard like u used to do..
but,,i love u *maybe* as much as u love me at the first time..
thank you for everything u taught me..