it's called MEMORIES..

no matter where we go
and how we move on in life

we're still always somehow connected
to that special someone we were with

in a frozen place and time

-November-

Here comes November,
it's not like i don't like the month of November
it's just i don't like the feeling i have for this month
so, pardon me if i'll be a little moody this month

the weather is getting chilly over here
it means i should packed my summer dress
and changed it to the sweater n' over coat

thinking about winter always makes me think of you
you, the one who loves cold weather very much
is it cold over there??

my new pet

yesterday i said that i'll think again about buying some fish..but,,it just happened today when me n jel going to the market and there we saw ppl selling fish..well,,it's not like they just open their store there..since the 1st time i came to the market it's already been there and at that time i already think about buy it..but because of some reason i cancelled it..

first,,it just my curiosity to ask the seller about the aquarium..and when i realize how cheap the price is for just 1 small aquarium *that i think will fit in my room*,,it just happened that i already buy the aquarium,,fishes,,their food,,etc..the seller is so nice,,he gave me an extra 1 pair after i bought 3 pairs of fish from him..

there's this 2 fish that's bigger than the other,,i called them jel n ting..at 1 time i can't see them..feel a lil afraid cos i think maybe they jump outside the aquarium,,but to my relief they just get stuck between the filter and the wall..it's so funny dough but i forgot to take their pict..jel said that's because they like to adventure and think that the aquarium is so small..for me it seems like they're so stupid because they're so big n' the place between the filter n the wall is so small but they still want to go there..haha..stupid fish..


so,,right now i have this small 'paradise' next to my bed ^^

女人街

a couple of days ago, me and my friends go to someplace called 女人街. it's not the same place like i went before. so, there's this one building. inside there's a lot of people selling fresh flower, furniture, candles, etc. basically, it's a place where most of woman will love (that's why they called it 女人街). and for me, it's like love at first sight with this place.

they sell things that i love


happy to find this casablanca lily in this place, decided to buy some for my room and right now i can smell its scent everywhere in my room ^^


think that i'll change my lily with this fresh hydrangea next week. maybe i'll go to the church every monday just so i can go to this place every week (since this place is so close to my church). besides this, i'll try to change to another one every week. *lovelovelove*


too bad they don't have my fav lily of the valley (at least i haven't seen one of them sell it)


even, they sell this saltwater fish there. seems like u can find all u need in this
place. too bad i can have them in my sushe. if i'm planning to stay at beijing for a long time maybe i'll think about it >.<


for my surprise, *taraaa~* they also sell this kind of rattan swing, things i always ask my daddy to buy me 1. it doesn't have to be this big, a small one that i can place n my room is okay. but he doesn't want to give me either 1 of it T_T


see, this place is full of anything. but, like i said before, since i'm just gonna stay for a short time here all i can buy right now is just the flower n' maybe some small stuff. small stuff that i can take home n' my daddy won't mind if i take them home ^^

i ♥ u Dad

God Made Dads

God took the strength of a mountain
The majesty of a tree
The warmth of a summer sun
The calm of a quiet sea
The generous soul of nature
The comforting arm of night
The wisdom of the ages
The power of the eagle's flight
The joy of a morning in spring
The faith of a mustard seed
The patience of eternity
The depth of a family need
Then God combined these qualities
When there was nothing more to add
He knew His masterpiece was complete

And so,
He called it ... Dad

luv u Daddy :)

SUMMER holiday

It's been a long time since the last time i write in this blog..

earlier this year i'm thinking about coming back to beijing to study mandarin *again*
and i'm in beijing right now..as the consequences i should spent my summer holiday here..it's my 1st time spending my summer in beijing..and it's very very hot btw,,bikin orang pengen marah2 truz rasanya >.<

liburan pertama d habiskan dengan pergi ke jiuzhaigou *awalnya*..karna gak maw menghabiskan banyak duit,,qta milih pergi naik kreta dr beijing ke chengdu..sampe di chengdu,,qta dapet kabar klo ternyata jalan penghubung antara chengdu - jiuzhaigou longsor..jadii,,yah,,terpaksa batal dh..akhirnya liburan cuma d habiskan d chengdu..

CHENGDU,,
gak seperti yang g bayangin sebelumnya dh..kota ini tuh brasa kya lebih maju n bagus drpd beijing..truz karna lagi summer holiday,,jadi banyak merek2 tuh pada sale..akhirnya liburan d chengdu d habiskan dengan keliling2 liat2 blanja2 ^^

karna uda gak tau maw ngapain lagi d chengdu,,qta smua mutusin buat pulang cepet2 ke beijing..tapi karna gak ada kereta langsung ke beijing,,akhirnya musti transit d tianjin dl..dan itupun bukan kreta tidur yg cepet..qta harus abisin waktu 40jam d kreta DUDUK!! malesin banget,,apalagi summer,,d kreta panas..blm lagi orang2 ck it pada ada yang beli tiket kreta diri..jadi makin sumpek n sesek..males banget..

kenapa yah summer itu musti panas?? T_T

P.S: tulisan ini d buat dengan nyawa yang cuma tinggal stengah karna pilek dan ngantuk..jadi,,emang agak nglantur sana sini gak penting >.<

우리 헤어지자

누가 내게 그러더라 우린 잘 어울린다고
우린 잘 만난거라고 그랬지
누가 내게 그러더라 우린 영원할거라고
그래 그때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

누가 내게 그러더라 추억은 아름답다고
그래 그 때는 그랬지
lie lie lie lie lie 다 거짓말
lie lie lie lie lie 모두다 lie lie lie lie lie
이젠 우리 헤어지자 그만 만나자
가끔 슬퍼져도 추억에 웃자
마지막 널 위해 이 말밖에 할 수 없기에
모른척 아닌척 하며 우리 이제 그렇게 살자

정말 행복했던 시간 마냥 웃기만한 순간
모두 너에게 줄게
lie lie lie lie lie 눈물은 내가 가져갈게
떠나는 니가 웃을 수 있게
너만을 위해서 살아왔기에
그 누구보다 더 너를 알기에
이제는 보내야해 나를 떠나 행복해야해
나와의 사랑같은 건 모두 잊고
그렇게 살자.. 그렇게 살자..

-이승기-

que sera-sera

sometimes we need to
stop analyzing the past..

sometimes we need to
stop planning the future..

sometimes we need to
stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel..

sometimes we need to
stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel..

sometimes we just have to go with
'whatever happened happens'

this time

when u think that there shouldn't be any 2nd chance,,
but u still give that chance coz' u think ppl changes..

when u think ppl will change n' grown up by time,,
but seems like 'time' didn't teach anything to them..

when u think u already give ur best..
but maybe they're too self-centered to realize it..

when u think u want to stop trying..
and u're fine with it..
that's when u should start to leave it all behind..
n' moving forward..

it's not like u'll forget all about it..
but much more like u take it as a lesson..

so,,this time..
it's a 'lesson learned and get along with it' ^^

-lesson in life-

bbrapa hari ada d ICU,,ad bbrp kjadian (plajaran) yang bisa g dapet d sana..

d hari ptama bokap masuk icu,,awalnya g gak tau klo dy masuk icu krn g pikir cuma masuk kamar biasa ajah..makanya pas sore2 maw balik sana kaget banget bgitu tau bokap masuk icu..banyak pikiran 'buruk' d otak g dh gara2 si icu ini..apalagi bgitu sampe sana si suster gak ngijinin masuk,,cuma bisa liat dr kaca samping (untung kamar bokap d icu it yg paling ujung jadi bisa kliatan dr samping)..truz karna g ud dtg,,si nyokap bisa plg ngurusin macem2 dl..dan saat it g mac blm tlalu jelas sm penyakit si bokap kcuali pnyakitnya it tuh tmasuk pnyakit kronis..mac gak tauw,,knapa bisa sampe masuk d icu,,dll..

truz,,bhubung ini juga ptama kalinya g berhubungan dgn icu..jadi,,sama skali gak tauw gmana cara kerja mrk d sana..d tengah2 lg panik,,bingung,,mst gmana..tiba2 telp d luar icu bunyi nyari kluarga bokap g..pas g angkat,,si susternya nyuruh g cepetan masuk k dalam..g tanya ada apa,,dy blg gpp,,masuk ajah karna dy pengen ngmg..sls tutup telp n' slama jalan k dlm..bner2 deg2an banget,,bner2 takut banget bokap knapa2,,mana nyokap jg lagi gak ada..tp,,thx God bokap gak knapa2..

yang jadi perhatian g it adalah,,pas g kluar icu,,kyana ad 1 org tante2 yg baru masuk juga..cm g gak tauw orgnya yang mana..karna t4 bokap d rawat it gak gabung sm org2 laen..yg g perhatiin it adalah kluarga si tante ini yang kyana walaupun kluarganya masuk icu tp mrk mac tenang2 ajah,,santai2 ajah,,ktawa2..beda banget sm g yg ud bingung banget,,panik,,nangis..jadi g mikir,,'oh,,mgkn kluarga mrk gak separah bokap x y?? mknya bisa santai banget'..truz,,bsk sorenya pas g lagi jaga,,ad yang meninggal n' tnyata yang meninggal it adalah si tante yang baru masuk it..nyokap ngobrol ma kluarganya gt,,n' mrk jg tuh gak nyangka karna si tante it kmrnan sblm meninggal it masih bisa ktawa2 bcanda2 gt..eh,,koq yah malah meninggal gt..

truz ada lagi kakek2 yang masuk k icu yg sm kya bokap,,tp beda kamar..dy baru masuk stelah bokap d rawat bbrp hari gt..truz pas g pulang,,g sempet senyum sm dy n' he seems fine..truz bsk siang pas g balik lg k t4 bokap,,g ngliat si bokap cm sendirian d ruangannya..truz g nanya ma si nyokap,,mana si kakek2 yg baru masuk smalem..nyokap blg klo dy jam 3 pagi meninggal..

truz ada lagi om2 yang ud sbulanan d rawat d icu..smp akhirnya 1 malem sluruh kluarganya kumpul gt,,n' nyokap blg klo tnyata dokternya blg klo si om it lg kritis truz kluarganya d suruh dtg smua..takutnya klo bakal knapa2 gt..tp,,nyatanya smp akhir it om2 mac idup *walaupun kondisinya yahhh gitu dh*..kluarganya it yg bner2 ud stress,,cape,,krn ngrasa kyana bner2 gak jelas banget..

gilaa,,g jadi mikir..qta it bner2 gak tauw apa yang tjadi bsk..orang yang kliatannya baik2 ajah hari ini,,bs ajah besok ud meninggal..org yg d perkirakan ud ampir meninggal,,tnyata bisa bertahan walaupun butuh byk bantuan..dan smua itu ad plus minusnya..tp 1 yg pasti,,g jadi ngrasa klo qta it harus bner2 ngehargain apa yang qta punya hari ini,,bersyukur ajah buat hari2 qta stiap hari..

tell everyone u love dat u love him/her before it's too late..because u'll never know when the time comes..

if it's started beautifully then it should be ended beautifully too ^^

so,,the story started when we went to Inner Mongolia for a holiday..dunno where or when it started..all i know is it's all started from the very 1st day of the trip..ah,,i remember,,it all started when we go to the the rest area and i said that my feet feels so cold..and when we're back on the bus,,u asked me whether my feet still feeling cold or not and u started to make my feet feel warm by rubbing your hands to my feet n' when u realize that my hands is cold too,,u started to rub my hands too..that's so sweet of you..when i tell my friends about that,,they all agree with me that u're so sweet..too sweet..a lot of thing happens in that journey..and i'm really thankful of that things..

and a couples of day after we're back from holiday,,after spending so much time together,,you asked me to be your girlfriend..still remember that it happens on the night of 13th October and i already on the bed,,ready to sleep..and you didn't want to go home until i answered ur question..it's already past midnite..still remember ur expression on that day when i said i want to be ur girlfriend..and when u tell my best friend that i want to be ur girlfriend although she's already half-way to the dream land before u go home..

i know that it's not easy for us on our first step of relationship..a lot of hard times,,a lot of problems,,and i know how hard it is for u to understand me..it's so frustrating for me seeing u have to work so hard to understand me..but on the other side,,i also cannot do anything to help u >.< i really felt sorry i can't give u happiness in our first baby step because there's a big problem *from my side* i should solve first..but,,the problem is not as easy as i think..and,,it's hard for me to divide my attention between u n' my problem..because of that problem,,everyday *i think* i make u upset..u always said that u want to help me with the problems,,but at first i don't want to tell u my problem is..i want to keep my problem alone..think i can endure it,,but it's just getting to hard and affected our relationship too..slowly i learn to tell u about my problem,,i learn to trust in u with all of my problem..

the 1st time i realize that u really meant to me,,and i really love u is the first time u're in Indo and i don't know how to reach u..i don't have ur Indo number,,u don't have internet connection in ur home..don't know what to do..it's like i miss u,,but i can't find where are u..it's like there's something missing in my life that time..that's the 1st time i feel really insecure with u..do u know dat everyday i'm waiting for u..everyday i'm excited just to meet u in the msn or in skype ^^ to hear ur voice either before i go to sleep or when i wake up really made my day that time..

i'm so excited,,although i hardly shown my excitement in front of u,,with everything that related to u..remember when u tell me ur wishes on the day of ur bday?? actually i'm very happy,,my heart is jumping of excitement and i can stop smilling that night..but i guess u don't know that rite?? when i have to pick u up at the airport,,it's like i wake up every hour only to see how many hour left till i can see u again..when i see u for the 1st time there,,i really want to run n' jump to hug u..but i can't do that..i can't do anything cos i'm too excited only to see u again..even i don't know what to say to you..i remember i don't say anything special to u,,i only say "sorry, i'm late" to u and ur friend..actually i want to say something special like "welcome back hunny..how's the fligt?" instead of that sorry thing but dunno why i can't said those words >.<

there's one time i'm thinking about growing old with u..it's the day when we're talking in my room in the afternoon..talking about everything,,about ur problem n' mine..i just feel really blessed that time and i want to grow old like that with u everyday..if i can stop the memory,,maybe i want to live in that time forever..cos' that time with u really make me feels like i'm home..hmm,,dunno how to explain my feeling that time..but it really is one of the best feeling i ever had in my life ^o^

and when our story has come to the end..it's so hard for me..really hard..in just a short time,,i have to forget those happy moments,,i have to forget u..so,,that's why at the beginning of our break-ups u feel like i'm avoiding u..but,,it's not just the beginning,,until now sometimes i'm avoiding u too ^^ because seeing u again is like bringing up those feeling again n' again..and do u know?? there's 1 movie called 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', the tag line said "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story." that's what i feel right now..am trying so hard to erase u from my mind,,but it seems like my heart is not ready to erase u >.<

whatever happen now between both of us..all i know is we start our story beautifully,,so we should ended it beautifully too..we start our story as a best friend..so,,can we still remain as a best friend?? where we can share our problems n' stories ^^

thanx for giving me the amazing 5 months of happiness, sadness, good times, bad times, n' all the feelings i feel during that 5 months :)

-just hope that whatever happen,,both of us never change n' will be the same as it is-

so long. . .

so,,right now i'm in my room..in Jakarta..
i think i have a some kind of love-hate relationship with Jakarta ^^
i rilli wanna go out of Jakarta,,but at the same time i rilli wanna go back to it..
is it what they called love??
hmm,,maybe..don't know about it yet..

it's been 2 weeks i'm in Jakarta..
and the 1st thing i wanna do is visit my sis's grave..
so,,that's what i do the first morning after arrived here..goin there juz bring back my memories from the day when we want to buried my lil sis..don't know why..all i know is i really miss her..really really miss her..i miss chatting with her..i miss sleeping together with her..even i miss coming to her graveyard..at her place,,feels like she's with me ^^

juz think about it for a sec ^__^

whatever man gives to a woman,,
she's going to multiply it..

if u give her sperm,,
she'll give u a baby..

if u give her a house,,
she'll give u a home..

if u give her a groceries,,
she'll give u a meal..

if u give her a smile,,
she'll give u her heart..

she multiplies and enlarges,,
what is given to her..

so,,if u give her any crap,,
you will receive a ton of shit..

hey!!

hey you!!
yes you!!

you know what??
i think this day,,
u teach me how to be independent indirectly..
not like i'm not independent before..
but it's more like,,
mmh,,hard to say ^^ haha..
but,,maybe i should give thanx to you..

so,,
thank you ☺

dream a lil' dream

last night,,
i dream of her..
she smiles at me..
and she waves at me happily..

recently,,i'm a bit tired..
with all things dat happen around me..
is it her own way to give me support??
mmh,,maybe ^^ dunno about it..

but,,after a long time not see her..
i'm glad i can dream of her again..
seeing her face with a lively expression is priceless..
cos' the last time i remember is her sleeping face in the coffin..

thx u for giving me support in ur own way..
it makes me forget all of my problems..
n' please always visit me in my dream like last night..
i miss u dear ♥

....

knapa harus ada kata2 yang gampang buat d ucapin..
tapi susah buat d lakuin??
klo tauw it susah buat d lakuin..
mending dari awal gak usah d ucapin n' make a commitment..

it's true isn't it??

i ♥ u

i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can do anything to make u happy..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i wanna do something better to please u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna care about ppl opinions..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like ur problem is my problem too..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't wanna tell u my probs,,just because i don't want u to stressed out because of ur probs n' mine..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'll be worried if i don't know anything that happen to u right now..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like my mind is not working if i'm with u,,my heart does..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i don't know any other words to describe my feelings to u..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm sad if u do sumthing i don't like and i do sumthing bad to u bcos of it..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i'm afraid if i have to let u go one day..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can let u go if everytime ur with me i cannot make u happy,,and the only way to make u happy is to separate with me..
i ♥ u enough,,
that it seems like i can pray for ur happiness even after all that things happened..

i ♥ u,,that much..
~till i don't know what's left to write~
n' how bout u??

-undescribable feeling-

seems like everything is fine a couple of days ago..
and in just a moment,,it's undescribable..
i know that it's all my fault at the first place..
and maybe i'm receiving my karma for all i've done to u..
cos,,really it looks like we're changing places now..
actually i know what i've done to u is not right since a long time ago..
and that's one reason why i wanna change..
but,,maybe that's not enough..
or maybe,,i already hurt u so much..
that makes u feel tired right now..

it's just a couple of days,,
not really a week,,
but,,i feel like i wanna quit this 'game of ♥'..
it's not that i don't ♥ u..
i ♥ u since the very first time u do sumthing to me that makes me feels like there's butterfly in my stomach..
there's a lot of little things that makes me ♥ u more..
it's just i keep it like a secret..
so,,u probably don't know about it..
it's just i easily lost my hope in everything i do,,
if i think,,i won't get what i want..
maybe u'r not agree with me,,my mommy also didn't agree with me..
but,,that's me..
'i don't wanna fight for sumthing i won't get'

since right now i'm standing in ur position,,
and ur standing in my position..
i know how hard it's for u at that time..
and i'm proud u can 'fight' for it for a long time..
it really shows how's ur feeling to me..
and i'm really thankful and flattered..
that in my life,,there's once a man that love me like u do..

actually i do really hope that everything gonna be fine..
and we're still together after all of this..
but,,just in case,,we're not..
i'm truly sorry for all i've done..
sorry for not 'fighting' hard like u used to do..
but,,i love u *maybe* as much as u love me at the first time..
thank you for everything u taught me..

M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E

hmm,,
dunno why i feel so miserable this day..
it's like my life never been so full like before..
it's seems like i can't have both of u at the same time..
if i have u then i don't have them..
if i have them then i don't have u..
why can't be together..

dunno if i do the right thing with telling u all my feeling yesterday..
at that moment,,i think i'm doing the right thing..
but,,as for now,,think dat maybe it's not the right thing to tell u my feeling..
cos' it's seems like u r playing with my feeling now..
to tell the truth..i don't like it at all..
before,,u said that i do the same thing to u..
so,,is it ur way to take a revenge on me??

it's not that i don't support what u r doing right now..
u should know that from the very first start i always support u in everything u do..
maybe i'm not saying it clearly,,but i thought u should already know..
this is some experience i want u to have..
but,,it's just there's some feeling inside that said something is not right..
don't u feel the same??
or is it just me,,the one who exaggerate things??

up till now,,
i think i still can cope with it..
maybe there will be sometime when u'll feel tired of playing around..
and maybe at that time u'll come back n' think of me n' look for me..
but,,1 thing for sure..
don't make me tired of waiting for so long..
cos i'm afraid if it takes so long,,
when u look for me,,
all u can find is my shadow,,
not the real me..

so,,actually i don't really know what to do now..
afraid that if i tell u what i feel now,,
u'll think that i don't give u any freedom..
n' u'll run away..
afraid that if i said bye for now,,
u'll think that it's me,,the one who wants to leave u..
n' u'll angry with me..
afraid that if i tell u to have fun,,
u'll play all day n' forget about me..
n' i'll be the one who will leave u cos i'm tired of waiting for u..

hmpf,,
i really dunno what to do now..
can u tell me what should i do now??
>.<

roomateQuw kembali ^^

haha..stelah ampir sbulan dy pulang indo..akhirnya balik beijing juga ^^ gak tidur sendiri lagi dh d kamar..hehe..

pagi2 sm anak2 jemput si dla d bandara..mac ngantuk2 >.< tapi,,berhubung dy soulmateQuw jadi harus d jemput..klo tidak,,kacian skali dy..hihi ^^

kopernya gendut buanget..haha..isinya titipan anak2 smua..truz bawa makanan juga..hehe..buanyak makanan dh d sini jdnya..

sore2 abis slese beberes,,crita2..haha..seru banget..ud lama gak crita2..kangen ^^

P.S: just wanna say to everyone 'it's nice to have u back here with me ♥'